Heaven Was Mine
by ragtime tune
Summary: It's exhilarating, for a moment. 50 sentences on Peter and Jason.


**Heaven Was Mine. **Fifty sentences on Peter and Jason's relationship.

Themeset from 1sentence on LiveJournal (set alpha), to which I made no official claim. I also do not claim to be Damon Intrabartolo or Jon Hartmere, or anyone involved in the ownership of bare: a pop opera.

**

* * *

**

**01. comfort  
**He sleeps in Jason's bed the night before graduation, taking up half the space he has like Jason's death is just a bad dream and he's really there, rubbing his hand across Peter's back and whispering jokes to him.

**02. kiss  
**Ivy kisses sloppily, her hands all over him, and kissing her is nothing like kissing Peter; kissing _her_ is not kissing Peter, and he hates hates hates himself for thinking that kissing Ivy is wrong and kissing Peter is right.

**03. soft  
**"Your bed is softer," Peter defends as he curls up next to Jason, pulling the blankets over himself and getting as comfortable as he can in a bed made for one.

**04. pain  
**Jason thinks in a rush that this isn't so bad, Peter's here, this will all be okay, and he dies without thinking what will happen to everyone else, a smile on his face and in Peter's arms.

**05. potatoes  
**The Red Sox versus Yankees game is flickering on their tiny TV; a bad play sends the bag of chips in Jason's hand flying all over Peter, lying on his stomach next to him.

**06. rain  
**A storm falls on the roof, and Peter, feeling reckless, pulls Jason out of bed and together they sneak outside in their pajamas and bare feet, hands entwined as they run into the night like maniacs, the sound of their laughter muffled by the rain.

**07. chocolate  
**He wishes that they can have Valentine's Day; but it would just look weird, Pete, wouldn't it, if he just went out and bought candy when he wasn't dating anyone, and Peter has to agree, at least on the outside, disappointed that Jason's kiss means _I'm sorry_ and not _I love you_.

**08. happiness  
**It runs in a circular motion: Peter smiles and Jason smiles and their hands find each other's and their lips press together and Peter smiles and Jason smiles.

**09. telephone  
**He stares at the phone and it seems to stare back at him, until he finally reaches towards it with Sister Chantelle's voice ringing in his head.

**10. ears  
**Jason whispers into his ear, swear words that color the feeling of Jason's hands on him, sliding across his stomach and down and down until he sees stars beneath his eyelids.

**11. name  
**Peter is the rock on which Jason builds himself, stuck together with some tape and held up awkwardly in some places.

**12. sensual  
**Their room is dark but he doesn't need to see, just feel; hands, a sharp intake of breath, lips and tongue and teeth, fingers twisted in his hair.

**13. death  
**The world shatters slowly, with pills and warm mouths and colors everywhere and blaring sirens and bright lights.

**14. sex  
**He's caught in a riptide and Peter's pulling him under, and he can't breathe but somehow finds the air for _IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou_; it tumbles out of his mouth and out into the open where he couldn't take it back even if he wanted to.

**15. touch  
**It's a game they play (a cruel game that ends in running up the stairs to their room or slipping into a bathroom); Peter's fingers trailing over Jason's back as he takes his seat for History, Jason's hand on Peter's thigh as they watch a movie in Chemistry.

**16. weakness  
**Jason envies Peter; how confident he is, how sure of himself — he wishes he could be like Peter, not only on the outside, but within himself as well, and he knows he can't because he'll never, ever be as brave as Peter.

**17. tears  
**School, basketball, his parents, his sister, his classmates; sometimes, it's overwhelming, and he tries not to let anyone see him like this, but the wall is torn down once he gets to his room and leans into Peter and lets him put the pieces back together.

**18. speed  
**The road unfurls before them and they grin at each other, daredevil grins of blue trucks and freedom and going where no one knows them or who they are supposed to be.

**19. wind  
**Peter chases haphazardly after his scarf as it's blown in the wintry wind, and Jason outruns him, scooping it up, dangling it in front of Peter's face before taking off again with Peter running after him, more curses falling from his mouth than snow is falling from the sky.

**20. freedom  
**Breathless, Peter spins in a circle, his back touching Jason's, looking out at his classmates' shocked faces — and it's exhilarating, for a moment, before this new liberty sinks into fear.

**21. life  
**They always talk about _after school_, where they'll be (together, obviously, but where, when, how?) — Jason likes to question, but Peter just tells him they've got the rest of their lives to worry about money and jobs and everyone else.

**23. hands  
**There's a French test tomorrow, and they're sprawled out on Peter's bed, studying, their fingers laced together like they never are outside the locked door.

**24. taste  
**"Ew, gum," Peter says, sticking out his tongue; "Taco Bell," Jason corrects, grinning at him.

**25. devotion  
**Someone could write books about their love, how perfect and beautiful it is, how Peter loves Jason so much that he doesn't push him off the bed when he hogs all the blankets.

**26. forever  
**They could run away and never look back, living in their own perfect world and never have to deal with any bad guys; _they_ could be the heroes in their own fairytale, two princes escaping from the clutches of the evil queen.

**27. blood  
**"You bit me! I think I'm bleeding!" Jason yelps, sticking out his bottom lip for Peter to see what he'd done — Peter rolls his eyes and kisses it better.

**28. sickness  
**He wants to be _fixed_, he wants to look at Peter and feel absolutely nothing, he wants a cure; but he has a feeling that that ship has already sailed, and it brings his damnation.

**29. melody  
**Jason must know every word to every song in Wicked, Peter sings it in the shower so much.

**30. star  
**The streets of Verona have faded to the halls of St. Cecilia, but it's still two star-crossed lovers with the world against them.

**31. home  
**"Home run," Jason mumbles drowsily, his unseen smirk pressed against Peter's collarbone.

**32. confusion  
**It doesn't make sense, because Jason can't be dead; Jason has to be alive and breathing next to him, holding his hand.

**33. fear  
**A split second's time is all Jason's heart needs to start beating even more rapidly in his chest, the split second when Peter doesn't respond to his kiss, doesn't do _anythin_g, and every warning signal goes off in Jason's head but he still waits, for another split second, to feel Peter's lips move against his own.

**34. lightning/thunder  
**Jason shivers in his bed, twelve years old and exhausted; sleep can't come to him with a storm outside — he swears it's the thunder that makes him jump, not Peter's voice softly asking if he's alright from across the room.

**35. bonds  
**"No," Jason lies, and they fall back onto the bed, Peter crushing their mouths together; Jason can't even begin to think how much he missed him, and regret coils with need in his stomach.

**36. market  
**They have a beat-up microwave they bought for fifty dollars, and neither of them are any good at cooking, so they have to survive on Cup-O-Noodles and popcorn when they need a midnight snack.

**37. technology  
**His face splits into a grin when he gets Peter's text — _gnight babe i love you_ — and he knows he should delete it from his Inbox before anyone looks at it, but he can't bring himself to.

**38. gift  
**"What's better than the gift of Jason McConnell?" ; "Shut the fuck up."

**39. smile  
**There's a silence after peals of laughter and they meet eyes across the room, the corners of their mouths slowly tilting up until they're laughing again at an old joke that wasn't even funny before.

**40. innocence  
**He doesn't understand how Peter can be so innocent, so naïve as to believe in the metaphor of life as a rave where no one cares how they act or what they do or who they love.

**41. completion  
**Life feels perfect like this; Friday night in bed with no alarm clock tomorrow morning and no one expecting them to be anyone else than Peter and Jason.

**42. clouds  
**In springtime, they all traipse out to the lawn to lie on the grass and look up at the clouds, pointing out shapes in the sky; it's easy for them to tangle their fingers on the ground between them.

**43. sky  
**They have their little piece of sky through their window, and Jason tells himself that he's okay with just a little piece of sky, he doesn't need it stretching all the way across his vision; they can be okay here, with just a little.

**44. heaven  
**God loves you no matter what God loves you no matter what God loves you no matter what — it doesn't matter how many times Jason hears this; there are always exceptions to rules.

**45. hell  
**Peter's afraid, too, Jason knows, though he doesn't show it often; every backwards glance and paper shuffle in Religion class is a tiny break.

**46. sun  
**It creeps in like reality, spilling over the floor and streaming onto the bed they share; whispered truths are a remnant of a dream when morning comes.

**47. moon  
**They can have everything in the world, together, except the elusive truth that changes them when they step through a passageway; Peter hates that door, the door that changes _his _Jason into _their_ Jason.

**48. waves  
**Summer vacation finds Jason relaxing on a raft in the pool and Peter sprawled out on a towel on the beach, connected by cell phones and laughter.

**49. hair  
**Jason loses a bet in eighth grade and sports a mohawk for a week.

**50. supernova  
**The audience can wait; because this is the moment where everything glows perfectly, just like it did four years ago — and Peter doesn't want to think about the second act, when everything fades.


End file.
